


I Loved You, But I Left You

by MyBohemianBird



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: M/M, like not graphic, ralph needs a hug, sorry - Freeform, unrequited love by poor jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 14:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14427660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBohemianBird/pseuds/MyBohemianBird
Summary: They say you never know what you have until you lose it. From a young age, Jack was told to always appreciate what you have, to be grateful for your life. Jack never fully understood the meaning of it, that is, until he met Ralph.





	I Loved You, But I Left You

They say you never know what you have until you lose it. From a young age, Jack was told to always appreciate what you have, to be grateful for your life. Jack never fully understood the meaning of that until he met Ralph. They met on a beach, the sound of the conch still ringing in his ears, he locked eyes with the shorter boy and he suddenly could no longer speak, his beautiful baby blue eyes staring into his forest green eyes. Ralph's shiny golden hair, to his slightly pale skin, Jack knew he was screwed. 

Jack was nothing compared to the beauty next to him, a perfect boy friends with a mistake like him? He was astonished to know that Ralph even acknowledged him, but Jack was selfish, so selfish, he knew that Ralph and Piggy had this bond from the beginning and Jack was furious. Why did this fat boy get all the attention, when Jack was so much more better than him? He knew that if he had a chance, Piggy would've been gone in an instant.

He regretted his hunt a lot, but he was too ecstatic to pay any attention to Ralph. But he would never admit to that regret. Somewhere in his mind, he recognised the disappointment in Ralph's eyes, Jack decided that he hated that look, it didn't look good on his pretty face, he wanted to kiss that look away, to hold and shield him from the world, but with that damn fat boy, he couldn't do anything.

If he couldn't have Ralph, no one would. Jack knew that the only way to become stronger, is to leave the object of affection. He gathered up whatever choir he had and made his own tribe, he was selfish, greedy, but he was inconsiderate the most. He was too blinded about his wants, but not the other boys' needs. He was selfish, so, so selfish. He didn't know how his leaving would've affected Ralph, he didn't know about Piggy comforting his Ralph.

They killed him, they killed Simon. It was all his fault. He didn't stop himself, nor did he stop his own tribe. That poor boy didn't deserve it, and Jack recognized that disappointment in Ralph's eyes again, but worse than before, with a different feeling alongside, one that he couldn't make out. It was all Jack's fault, and yet he couldn't bring himself to talk to Ralph, nor look at him. He understood the other emotion in Ralph's eyes, even if he never looked at him again, it was resentment. It was something Jack didn't want, he tried so hard to get Ralph's attention away from his fat friend and Simon, Jack wanted to dig a hole and hide until he died. His hard work thrown into the dirt.

The purpose of stealing Piggy's glasses wasn't just for the fire, he wanted to see Ralph again. But the look on his face when he saw Jack, wasn't disappointment like he'd expect, he was more surprised, Ralph knew he was a savage, but he had never expected Jack to go that far.

It was an accident! Jack swore it was an accident! He never meant for the fat boy to get crushed, even though in the back of his mind, he knew he wanted that boy out of his way. Sure, he wanted him gone, but not to die in front of Ralph when he witnessed Simon die too, he hates him now doesn't he? It was his fault, it's his fault, it's all his fault. No! It was Roger, he killed Piggy, but if he was more accurate, he would've killed Ralph, no it's not Jack's fault, it was Roger.

He wanted to find Ralph, he already took the twins against their will, and they wouldn't have been able to stop him anyway, he waited too long, he wanted to find Ralph and claim him for himself. His lust for Ralph clouded his mind at this point, he needed Ralph, he wanted to feel him squirming under him as Jack fucked him in his hut. He'd just have to be a little more patient though, wouldn't he?

The sound of a ships horn filled the ears of all the boys ears as they ran to the  beach. And one by one, they boarded the ship back to their home, Ralph tried to sit by the twins but there was no room, the closest seat was by Roger and Jack. Jack wanted to sit closer to Ralph, but Roger was in his way, in the way of Jack taking Ralph as his. Roger tried to feign a sincere apology, Ralph knew better, but he still made some small talk with Roger like they were best friends, hell Ralph looked at him, but why couldn't he look at Jack? Why couldn't he talk to him like he talked to Roger? He did nothing wrong, it was all Roger's fault.

Jack cornered the shorter boy after they got back, he didn't want to do it, but Ralph left no choice at that point. He couldn't even look at Jack, he was shaking like a leaf, and for the first time, Jack saw Ralph crying. As Jack tried to comfort him, he apologised over and over, Jack knew now. It WAS his fault, he could've stayed with Ralph, or he could've stopped his tribe from harming Simon or Piggy, Jack could've changed every thing if he had just talked to the blonde boy, it was Jack's fault, and now he can't change the past.

Ralph told him that he still believed there was always good in Jack, and that he needed time to forgive and forget. Jack saw the door of opportunity closing on him, could he though, just kiss Ralph and act like nothing happened? Maybe Jack wanted to forget, but how could he when he knew he was a monster? The door closed on him.

It had been 11 years since Jack last saw Ralph, but he could recognise his perfect face anywhere. It was at a restaurant, not a fancy one, though it did certainly have it's charms, but he saw a boy walk by, his shiny golden hair, his slightly tan skin, his beautiful baby blue eyes, Ralph? It was him, but he was holding the hands of a boy who seemed familiar too, was that Sam? Or Eric? He knew the twins well too, he did spend time with them when they were in his captivity. Why? Why him? Why not Jack, when he was so much more better than him? What did Ralph see that he couldn't? Was his body too skinny? Was he too lanky? Was his freckles too much to look at? Why? Why, why, why? Was Ralph just too perfect for him?

His angelic voice and laughter filled his ears as Eric, told him something he couldn't make out. He had been too late, but he knew he still wanted Ralph, even after 11 years, Jack couldn't, wouldn't move on. Jack felt his feet move through the air as he made his way to Ralph and Eric, as they noticed him, they got quiet and looked so sorrowful. Jack wanted to kiss away whatever Ralph felt, fuck Eric, he didn't care if he was watching, but he also didn't want to ruin his only chance to possibly get Ralph back.

It's been a year since he saw Ralph again, he hangs out with him and Eric on weekends, usually walking a little behind them. Why did it feel so wrong when Ralph's smaller hand was intertwined with Eric's? What did he feel with him? Jack could've made Ralph happier than Eric, but what did Eric have that he didn't? He didn't know why, but Jack thought about that saying, where you never know what you have until you lose it. Maybe he understands, maybe he doesn't.

It wasn't until Ralph called Jack, that he now actually understood the true meaning, Eric proposed, after being together for 4 years, they are now engaged, Jack lost his chance 12 years ago, if he had kissed the hell out of Ralph, it would be him instead of Eric, him kissing Ralph, making love to him, marrying him. It was all Jack's fault.

**Author's Note:**

> If there's any mistakes I made, please let me know so I can fix it ASAP! Comments are much appreciated and thank you for reading this shitty fanfic :')


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